The walk…..

Not long ago had I contemplated my next move. It was not a conscious decision but one taken in haste. In pure haste. But it let things happen to me. What don’t ask. I don’t know. I haven’t catalogued what they are, were or are going to be. I just let them happen to me. They ripped me….i bleed…..they tortured me……left me maimed…..but I moved on……for at times they just made life worth it. For the sheer joy of the wound healing is sweet to put it brusquely. That makes you realize the worth of things- many deemed so worthless by many of us that we wouldn’t stop to take a second glance at them were they sold in supermarkets- but “simple little things” in your life sometimes makes you smile, and man would pay a million dollars to smile like that.  The road might not be the city highway you imagined where you would flaunt your swish car in full glory but a countryside “bumspter” (looks like I invented a  word eh?) and you are no better than the country bumpkin……dragging on with life……but with the motive of reaping your harvest.  Yes the golden harvest which awaits your loving hands to caress them and for you to soak in their freshness, warmth ,beauty and tranquility…………., something you would be left searching for in your concrete jungle……and suddenly you realize your heart is all flesh and blood not nickel as you imagined…………

It takes that little piece of judgment to break free from that thing which had been intoxicating your mind for a lump of time now. It ain’t any easy. It had been in your mind for sometime now. Glued to your thoughts as if by adhesive….and your thoughts do take into account its existence. A “what-if” constantly plays in your mind like an old record stuck somewhere in the middle, repeating the same silly verse a thousand odd times until you stop it yourself, put the pin aside yourself. Yes its more or less a conscious decision to break free. Bound by the shackles of a ……..what? does it even have a name? That thing which holds you back? That thing that you seemingly tend to believe flows with your blood? The thing which even your own leucocytes do not deem foreign to your system, as if you have inherited it? Naah inheritance is not the question here. You let it grow there. You didn’t inherit it. You mothered it. You let it grow in your being. You nurtured it. That thing. It was perhaps a conscious effort to let it dwell there despite knowing the futility of your action just for the “feel-good” factor. But you forgot ……you forgot something important ……that it grows there not just under your supervision. it needs support. Something not innately present in you for the key to that support is perhaps held by someone-someone else…..so it grows in your being but like the beanstalk running across your backyard….aimlessly…. and until you give it a support it threatens to run haywire engulfing your entire existence and you become a question to yourself. So you root it out….right through. You don’t need it there anymore perhaps. it lacks the support called reciprocation. You cannot let it threaten your survival. Chisel it way from your thoughts, may be for eternity. But then what do you do with its carcass? Nothing? Haah you cant let it away so easily can you? You mothered it at one point of time after all. Wrap it in a shroud and keep it safe…..away from sight…tucked away into some unseen nook…. It’s a souvenir you collected along the journey called life…..